Surprises, surprises!

i made it to court, and though i’m glad i made it once again, they didn’t seem to need me for much.  It went surprisingly badly, and my lawyer is suddenly telling me that the judge probably won’t give me half of what we were counting on…which was not much to begin with, but it was ENOUGH, and the possible halving of that leaves me with no way to make the bills.  So that’s fucking terrifying…but i’m going to have a conference with my lawyer and talk some things over with him…and i have some hope it will improve the situation.  *crosses fingers/paws carefully*

The UTI turned out NOT to be an infection at all, but is now thought to be cystitis….and that’s a whole new and interesting ball of wax to deal with, but that may offer me more hope in the long run than i originally thought.  i have to see my new doc and learn more about it, to know for sure.

i made it to the dentist as well, and started the HUGE process of all the big dental work i need done before the end of September and the end of my insurance plan..and i paid out SCARY LARGE amounts of money in advance to do it..but i needed to use the money for this while i had it, or some other emergency would come up and i’d be shit out of luck.  So, i bit the bullet, and i’m nervous, but mostly happy with the fact that i am paid up for now, and really getting things DONE!  🙂

AND, i finally got the eye exam i so desperately needed, through the Vision USA program, and i went in today and saw the NICEST eye-doctor!  It turns out that the light-sensitivity is nothing to worry about, (just wear sunglasses a lot) and i was not imagining all the pain in my eyes and head, i just needed GLASSES for close-up things now!  i was so surprised, but oddly pleased.  It’s great to know there’s nothing serious wrong with my eyesight, and it was even better to realize that the program i qualified for got me one pair of glasses for $20!  And they are nice frames that fit me great!  Until my new glasses come in next week, i have to wear my old glasses from way back when i was a teen, but i’m OK with that…i’m glad i saved them all this time, even though they aren’t really as strong as what i need now..they still help.  i’m just so relieved and glad about that right now.

i got both the kitty commissions i was so worried about, finished and out to their proper owners, AND i got some new hand-made kitty pendants in trade that i want to sell on some of the collars i make, and i got the cuddle mice out to my Kitten friend who likes to try selling them at her booth at the various conventions she is starting to go to.  It was such a big load off my mind to finally get so much of that stuff all done and finished for now.  All the appointments and deadlines and bills have really been getting to me.  i’m extremely glad i get the weekend to rest, (i think) before it all starts again.

My eyes have not adjusted to the glasses yet, so i’m done typing for tonight.

But even with all the things i’m nervous about…i’m also feeling satisfied, relieved, and GRATEFUL.

Grateful, grateful, GRATEFUL.  🙂



Nervous, court again

ANOTHER, UTI, isn’t life fun?

But i’m hanging in there, taking my medicine, sleeping a lot, and generally getting well as fast as i can manage.  i’m seeing a D.O. the end of this month, so maybe i can get some good answers as to why all the infections in the first place.

It’s back to divorce court again, the end of this week, and of course, i am scared and nervous as hell….but it’s the second-to-the-last hurdle, and once i’ve made it, there will only be one more to go before i am officially and totally free.  Thank God.  i want to hide under the bed, and my stomach is in unhappy knots, but i will do this, and somehow get through it, and then i can come home, and rest, and get back to my own life for another month.  Just got to try to think happy thoughts.

i got another kitty ear hat and paws commission, and it’s ready to go to it’s new loving home, which makes me really happy.  i also am nearly done with a faux fur commissioned ear and tail set for a local girl, and i sold another cuddle mouse from Kitten’s store on-line!  AND, i need to finish up some more mice for her to pick up and use in her booth at the convention she is going to this weekend!  i’m excited, but i feel like time should slow down some and give me a chance to get everything done.  On top of all this, i still need to make sure my court clothes are ready, and that i have all my paperwork and numbers ready to go, so i can present it to my lawyer and discuss it before we walk into the hearing…SO much to do.

But i got to ride a motorcycle on the highway the other day! i went for a walk in a beautiful cemetery with Wolf, and i’ve gotten the hang of balancing my checkbook and basic on-line banking.  i’ve been shopping on my own, (went to a book store..but it’s a good step) and despite the ups and downs and the UTI, i’m still having some really good days sometimes.

i hope to have more good days soon.  🙂

But now, i have to go and get shit DONE!



i guess it serves me right for talking about how nice the days have been for me lately, even with the mounting stress and fear i feel over the next impending court date.  i must have jinxed myself, because today was just a shitty day, capped off by and even shittier night.

Just a shitty, shitty day, damnit.


Good Days

Time just seems to be flying lately, and i keep so busy that i have to remind myself to find time to post.  Frankly, i need to remember to do it, just so i’ll have an outlet, if nothing else.

The anti-hubby shocked me silly and paid again this month; i am glad, because i have bill collectors practically knocking down my doors and i need that stupid money to catch up and get things settled…but i HATE needing anything from him..even the spousal support.  BUT, for now, i do, and i’m dealing with it.  I’d be happier that he paid, if it wasn’t for the fact that i think he paid again just because we go to court later this month, and i think he figures it will make him look better if he pays now…and then he’ll stop paying again after the court stuff is done.  But i’ll cross that bridge if i come to it, i guess; at least he’s paying at the moment.  That’s a good thing, and gives me a little room to breathe.

i had trouble with illness through part of July, but so far this month has mostly been good days…and i am REALLY happy about it.  i’ve gotten a custom kitty hat and paws finished, got a custom ear-and-tail order that i’m 3/4 of the way finished with, my walls are finally getting the homey-touches hung up where i want them, (thanks to help from people i love…some of that shit is HEAVY!) and i may even be starting to get a handle on my laundry…maybe.  And even though i could PUNCH the vet for how badly i think they treated both myself and my dog, i still managed to get her in and get her seen, and all her vaccinations and tests are now up to date…which is a very good thing.

Wolf took me out for a real “outside” date this weekend, and it was so funny, i didn’t even realize it was a “date” until afterward!  🙂  We just have fun together so naturally, i haven’t needed the typical date-stuff much.  But it was really nice; i can’t believe i was actually able to go OUT like we did, but i went, and it was fun!  We went to a local dance club that he and his friends like, and i was scared at first, but there were so many other people just having a good time and not caring if they looked silly or good or anything..they just were having fun, and it helped me feel better.  Wolf even got me to dance, which i never, ever really do, (i’m not a great club dancer)  But i RELAXED!!!  (at least somewhat) i was careful to stop when i felt winded and dizzy, so i wouldn’t get too worn out or burn up too many calories, but it really was just plain FUN for me.  (by the way, i weigh 90 pounds now, and i’m hoping to keep it up!)  Wolf doesn’t seem to sweat it too much, what people might or might not think about him, and that helps me worry less about it too.  It’s a nice change from what i was used to with the anti-hubby…he was ALWAYS wanting people to think he was “cool”, which mostly ended up making me want to slap him all the time.

Yep, Wolf is a nice change all the way around.  🙂

Of course, life on my own is a nice change all the way around too…scary and financially crazy, but still a vast improvement over what my life was just 6 months ago.

i’m nervous about the up-coming court date…i’m really, REALLY nervous…but however scary it all seems to me, with every passing month i feel a little stronger in my heart, and a little more myself over all.  Piece by piece and bit by tiny bit, i am finding myself again…who i was and who i am and who i want to be.  And i have HOPE.  i have JOY.  And i have soft, furry things to cuddle….what more could a kitty ask for?  (stability, maybe??  Naaahhh.)

Wolf took me to the mall one night not long ago, (i haven’t been to a mall in probably about 8 years) and i definitely still don’t like malls much…too many people and things in one smallish space, and too much of an overload.  But i have to admit that it’s a fun thing to do every once in a great while.  🙂  i was STUNNED to discover that the 80’s seemed to have exploded all over everything!!!  There were even jelly bracelets and rings like i remember wearing as a kid…thank heaven i didn’t see any jams-shorts anywhere though…i might have run screaming.  There were lots of fun things about the 80’s…jams were NOT one of them.  🙂

The joy of my mall visit though, had to be my discovery that someone has decided that animal print, specifically spotted-CAT print, is “in style” now.  When i wasn’t busy suffering from major social overload, i was drooling over all the pretty, and often fuzzy or FURRY, kitty-print!!  It was everywhere!  And i spent actual money on myself, (which i don’t do real often, since i have to make every penny count) and brought home a unique kind of faux-fur kitty hat/scarf/paws thing that i’d never seen one like before.  i LOVE the thing, and look forward to wearing it in the cold weather, (for now i just cuddle it a lot) but it’s also a good inspirations piece for making something similar of my own to sell with my other kitty it was a happy investment all around.  🙂

i’m sleeping better hours again now, and i’d like to keep myself on this schedule for as long as my body will let me, so i have to watch the time.  Which means, i have to get my butt off here for tonight.  But it has been good…i have had some truly good days, and i am very, very grateful for it.