Excuse the Technical Difficulties

My computer just totally went down for about a month,  so a lot has happened since i wrote here last.  For one thing, i am totally and legally DIVORCED!!!  🙂  The problems with the lawyer got straightened out, and he really came through for me.  i’m so glad it’s all over…there are no words for the relief i feel.  i’m still struggling financially, and have no insurance at the moment, but there are some really hopeful things in the wind with SSI, that might help with that soon.  *crosses paws*

The court date went well; i had friends with me, and for once, the excitement and relief i was feeling overpowered the fear.  The anti-hubby is now my ex for good, and though we did not speak or get near one another, he did take the time to put all my old photos on a disc and return them to me through my lawyer.  That was a final kindness on his part that made me glad i’d gotten together a little shoe-box of things i thought he might want back and return them through his lawyer.  That day, i did not feel sorry for him.  Though he looked bad, and as though he was having his own rough time, i felt mostly nerves, relief, and triumph that i had come this far, stuck with it, and gotten my freedom at last.

In the weeks since, i have found the capacity within myself to sometimes feel sad for him…to hope that he is facing his real demons and making life better for himself and those close to him.  Once or twice, i have even felt for a second, like if he doesn’t do anymore to hurt or trouble me, i could probably forgive him in the long run…which i find myself surprised but happy to feel.  (even for a second)  i’m not ready to forgive him now…but i don’t like being an angry or hateful person, and it’s a relief to me to know that someday i won’t need to hold on to the anger or the hurt.  Someday i might be able to forgive him completely and let the bitterness go.  That would be good.

Sometime…but not right now.  🙂

Now is for just living in my own skin and getting used to the feeling of relief and joy and possibility.  Now is for continuing to see how i like living on my own, (it’s been about a year now, can you believe it!?!) and getting to know myself, my wants, and my needs…and even my likes, better.

At this point, i’m finally free to say and do what i want without fear it will be somehow used against me in court to make me look bad…and that leaves me thinking about where i want to go with this blog and this site.  Where did i want it to go to begin with?  Can i write about kitty-play, BDSM, and Therian-related things in a public forum?  Am i brave enough to do that?  Do i still want to?  Or do i want to make this blog solely about my kitty-business and the costuming and gear i love to make?

Where do i want to go from here, now that the sky is the limit?

That is the question, isn’t it?  🙂

Sleep Tight,

kitty

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trizion
    Oct 20, 2011 @ 02:09:42

    Congratulations on being free. That is excellent news!

    Reading this blog has been very insightful. Starting at the beginning with from the outside looking in it looked like an unhealthy relationship and how you dealt with it and lived with it to you realizing there was a problem and finally deciding something needed to be done. Wherever you choose to take the blog from here I think and hope that up until now it can be used to help other people in similar situations gain their own voice and inspire them to do something and get their own footing. You have done an amazing thing by leading the way in a public forum, showing there are ups and downs but in the end it can work.

    I was in a not so great relationship not too long ago but thankfully I was not married to the guy, as a bit of background.

    I hope your light only glows brighter and good luck in the future that lies ahead.

    Reply

    • katnipkittygirl
      Oct 24, 2011 @ 01:18:26

      Thank you so much! 🙂 i’m glad you think what i’ve done here is a good thing, but i almost don’t feel like it’s very public, as you are nearly my only reader! But i do plan to possibly start doing things to increase traffic to the site…i think…and i hope others in the future will think as well of me as you seem to. i hope the direction i take the site won’t put people off, but the strange and unusual is too much a part of my life for me not to write about it now that i can.

      i’m also glad you are out of your difficult relationship…i wish i had realized that i had to leave mine sooner….but then again, we learn that way…so i guess the pain is not all in vain!

      Hope to talk to you again soon,
      kitty

      Reply

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