Mouse-capades! :)

i have been SO incredibly busy and single-minded so far this month!  My good friend Princess Kitty makes her own line of kitty-gear, related to but different from my own, and she has a booth this year at our huge local anime convention at the end of this month.  She has kindly offered to take a bunch of my hand-crocheted cuddle-mice with her, and sell them for me in her booth!  *wiggles with glee*  So i’ve been making mice, both with squeakers and without, almost constantly, in an effort to get as many of the little guys out there to be seen and adopted by kitty girls and boys as i possibly can with only this short amount of production time.  While this has been going on, i have also had2 custom cuddle mouse orders, and 1 custom mini-mouse, and an very exciting order for a costume, faux-fur, kitty ears/tail/paws set!  It’s been a happy, busy time for me; and with all the work i’ve been putting into getting my Etsy store up and going as well, i’ve maybe started to feel just a tad overwhelmed.

But i’m thrilled to be making so much progress at last, after all i have been through to even have the opportunity, i am just really grateful right now.  Of course, i want business to pick up even more with the store, but i’m also fairly content with the start i’ve gotten this month…it’s an encouraging sign, and it’s kept me busy and hoping.

Tonight, i bit the bullet and on PK’s advice, purchased a ton of business cards from Vistaprint.  i had to pay extra to have any hope of getting them here in time for the convention, (i REALLY need for them to get here in time!!  *crosses paws for luck*)  and i had to use one of their stock designs, instead of my own design, (yes, i did manage to design a business card for myself that i like!) but i still got a very pretty card out of it, and was able to order a total of 500 cards, with rush shipping, for less than what half as many cards would have cost if i had purchased them from the seller i had originally wanted…with my own design.  In the future, i hope to buy all my business cards from a seller on Etsy, so i can help support the small business dreams of someone else, as i work toward my own, but this first time, i had to think about the cost first and foremost.

Still, i am happy with myself, i think.  i stopped wasting time waffling back and forth about the whole issue, and just DID it, finally.  i now have my first real set (not home-made or home-printed) of business cards coming, and if they do manage to get here on time, i will be able to give some to PK for her booth at the convention, and i will have plenty to save and use for myself and the online store as well.

i’m working on more custom items tonight, and finishing up a batch of mice for the con.  i’m tired, but it’s all finally beginning to feel real to me.  My store is UP, i am getting orders and turning out product, slowly, but surely, and this convention may be a big help to me as well.

It is a good start!  🙂






Ow, ow, ow.

Ok, so this weather officially sucks.

The crazy, up and down, temperatures are making me and pretty much everyone i know SICK.  i’ve been sick in one way or another pretty much all month, and i’m worn out and feeling pretty darn grouchy about it.  To top it off, i get any real exercise at all, particularly the fun kind, and i end up sore and hurting so badly that i can’t sleep.  My bones ache on the days it’s cold, badly enough to effect things like walking normally and gripping objects with my hands.  Last night and today, i have felt like little-whiny-person tape accompanying my every movement with sound effects, like “Ow, ow—ow!”.

i want very much to feel better.

i want to get things DONE around here, like clean the bathroom, deal with maintenance, sweep, mop, and many, many more things too.  i NEED to get to J&FS, so i can get the whole health insurance issue worked out.  (i hope)  And i want to get my kitty gear up and in my online store as well!  But i am constantly exhausted and i feel sick.  *large pout*  i want to go to a halloween party, or go to a haunted house or something….will i possibly feel better in time?

Geez, i hope so.


Surprises, surprises!

i made it to court, and though i’m glad i made it once again, they didn’t seem to need me for much.  It went surprisingly badly, and my lawyer is suddenly telling me that the judge probably won’t give me half of what we were counting on…which was not much to begin with, but it was ENOUGH, and the possible halving of that leaves me with no way to make the bills.  So that’s fucking terrifying…but i’m going to have a conference with my lawyer and talk some things over with him…and i have some hope it will improve the situation.  *crosses fingers/paws carefully*

The UTI turned out NOT to be an infection at all, but is now thought to be cystitis….and that’s a whole new and interesting ball of wax to deal with, but that may offer me more hope in the long run than i originally thought.  i have to see my new doc and learn more about it, to know for sure.

i made it to the dentist as well, and started the HUGE process of all the big dental work i need done before the end of September and the end of my insurance plan..and i paid out SCARY LARGE amounts of money in advance to do it..but i needed to use the money for this while i had it, or some other emergency would come up and i’d be shit out of luck.  So, i bit the bullet, and i’m nervous, but mostly happy with the fact that i am paid up for now, and really getting things DONE!  🙂

AND, i finally got the eye exam i so desperately needed, through the Vision USA program, and i went in today and saw the NICEST eye-doctor!  It turns out that the light-sensitivity is nothing to worry about, (just wear sunglasses a lot) and i was not imagining all the pain in my eyes and head, i just needed GLASSES for close-up things now!  i was so surprised, but oddly pleased.  It’s great to know there’s nothing serious wrong with my eyesight, and it was even better to realize that the program i qualified for got me one pair of glasses for $20!  And they are nice frames that fit me great!  Until my new glasses come in next week, i have to wear my old glasses from way back when i was a teen, but i’m OK with that…i’m glad i saved them all this time, even though they aren’t really as strong as what i need now..they still help.  i’m just so relieved and glad about that right now.

i got both the kitty commissions i was so worried about, finished and out to their proper owners, AND i got some new hand-made kitty pendants in trade that i want to sell on some of the collars i make, and i got the cuddle mice out to my Kitten friend who likes to try selling them at her booth at the various conventions she is starting to go to.  It was such a big load off my mind to finally get so much of that stuff all done and finished for now.  All the appointments and deadlines and bills have really been getting to me.  i’m extremely glad i get the weekend to rest, (i think) before it all starts again.

My eyes have not adjusted to the glasses yet, so i’m done typing for tonight.

But even with all the things i’m nervous about…i’m also feeling satisfied, relieved, and GRATEFUL.

Grateful, grateful, GRATEFUL.  🙂



i guess it serves me right for talking about how nice the days have been for me lately, even with the mounting stress and fear i feel over the next impending court date.  i must have jinxed myself, because today was just a shitty day, capped off by and even shittier night.

Just a shitty, shitty day, damnit.


Tired of stress and illness

There are some really good things that have happened in my life, at the moment, and i’m SO grateful for those things, but i’m still more stressed than i should be and so tired of the near-constant illness of one sort or another, that i want to beat my head against the wall sometimes.  Granted, i use to be much sicker, every minute of everyday, and i am thankful that i am gradually getting stronger and healthier in general…i’m just frustrated and stressed and scared about how LONG it is all taking.  It’s taking forever to gain weight and keep it on, and it’s taking what feels like eons to get my life straightened out into some semblance of livable order.  The continual struggle just to pay bills and deal with my fears and physical craptasticness is wearing me down to a nub.

i am SO tired.

The ant-hubby finally paid some of what he owes in current spousal support, and it’s going to keep paying bills for the next two months, (thank God!) but the fact that he went so long without paying, and then paid in a lump sum stands a frightening chance of screwing up my foodstamps now..and since that’s the only way i can dependably afford to eat…it’s a legitimate worry that weighs on my mind.

That man is determined to make this as hard on me as he can.

It’s working.

i got my happy ass OUT, and took my dog and went to see a Harry Potter double feature at the local drive in, so i got to see the last movie on the night of it’s first release here in my area.  i have NEVER gone to a movie alone, (even with my dog) so it was a big step for me, and despite coming home with a monster migraine afterwards, i had a GREAT TIME!  🙂  i’m proud i did it, and extremely glad i went.  i even talked to a stranger in the line for the bathroom; something i haven’t been brave enough to do in ages…and everyone i encountered was really nice and pleasant.  We were all just there to have the last big hurrah for the Potter story, and to enjoy ourselves.  i wish i hadn’t gotten the headache at the end, but the overall experience was worth the pain.

But sick does feel like my middle name, lately.  And i’m having a hard time with it.  i can’t get rid of this damn cold, and now i seem to have what may or may not be a stomach bug on top of it.  *sigh*  i swear, if i could see these viruses and get hold of them, i would cheerfully beat them into a PULP.  My eyes are still nearly as bad as they were just after the weekend of the 4th, and i’m getting desperate to see an eye doctor and find out exactly what the problem is.

Though i think i already know what the problem is…and i’m mostly less than happy about it.

And poor Wolf, he was so sick yesterday, last night, and this morning, that he was white as a sheet and clammy to the touch.  But he went in to work early, anyway, and refuses to tell anyone he was ill.  (he’s feeling mostly better tonight)  Now his friends seem upset with him over the perceived slight of him not being there this morning when they needed him,  but damnit, he really WAS sick, and i wouldn’t have woken him once he finally got to sleep, for anything short of the end of the world.  He needed to sleep to be well enough for work.  And what’s making me nuts, is that i know his friends would understand if they just knew how sick he had actually been, and that he wasn’t blowing anybody off..but he flatly refuses to TELL anybody…insisting it would just sound like an excuse.

*puts ears back and lashes tail*  And this ONE trait among him and his friends is beginning to make me want to sink my teeth into all of them and start tearing out hunks of flesh.  *growls under breath*  NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY TALK TO EACH OTHER!!!  They don’t talk about things when something’s wrong or someone’s hurt or pissed off…they don’t discuss or work things out much…and they don’t seem to be too great at giving each other the benefit of the doubt,  much of the time.  They obviously all love each other, and would do just about anything for one another…anything except TALK, and work out disagreements like adults.  (yes, i said it..and i’m sure i’ll pay for it, somewhere down the line)  But HOLY SHIT THIS IS SILLY!!

They are acting like, stubborn, judgmental, non-communicative, self-righteous, old MEN!!!  And i want to scratch at them all and hiss in their faces, because of the sheer frustration of not being able to FIX the situation.  Men are just ridiculous (in my opinion) about their misplaced pride and their inability to communicate..especially with one another.  i’m sure they will be fine, and after brooding and ignoring each other for awhile, they will act like nothing happened and forgive one another.  Great.  Good.

But why does there have to be a problem in the first place?  Why can’t they just TALK, and understand one another?  Why are men so DIFFICULT!?  *grrrrr*

And he really WAS sick.  And damnit, treating it like it’s some sort of shame on his part pisses me off.

*curls up in a ball and starts clawing quietly at the bedcovers*

Just call me “moody-defensive-kitty” tonight.  i want to defend Wolf and i want to smack him too.  Why can’t men just communicate?  If he would just admit he was sick, if he would have just told them…or if they would have just thought to ASK, instead of assuming Wolf just didn’t give a shit…..but NOOooooo….not men..not big, tough, males.  They have to be all silent and broody and not show weakness.

Bah!  *starts licking backs of paws*  It ruffles my fur the wrong way.  And i am too sick myself to do anything about it but bitch and moan.  (which is probably good, because none of this is really my business, anyway)  But dog-gone-it…*flexes claws slowly*…i want to defend Wolf.  He really was sick.  i was the one who watched him spike a fever while he slept and then sweat it out in record time.  i was there.  i want to attack anyone who doubts him.  But if he won’t TELL anyone, how can i blame them for not-knowing?

*sighs and settles head on paws*  Men.  Sometimes they are a mystery i love trying to solve….and sometimes i just want to rip them apart and see if they are tasty with ketchup.  Ugh.

i hope Wolf is better tonight, poor guy.

While i’m at it; i hope i get better soon too.


Family 4th and sick

i got to go see my family for the 4th holiday, partially thanks to Wolf’s and his friends efforts.  i’m still not strong enough mentally and physically to make the drive alone, (it’s a long drive) so Wolf and his friends moved work hours around so he could go with me.  i didn’t do so well with the driving, it took me half of forever to get there and to get back, but i DID it.  And that’s a good step in the right direction.  And except for one bad episode with my sister, i had a really, really good time!  i even bit the bullet and went fishing with my dad and Wolf, and i not only became an accomplished worm-stabber, without crying or freaking out (poor little buggars) but i actually caught two fish!!!

And we threw all the fish we caught back, this time…i have not yet made it to the “kill something and eat it” stage….not ready for that yet, but feel like i am making good progress, and i’m proud of that.  i’m eating cheese/dairy daily now, and i was even able to eat some “normal” food at the 4th reunion, so i’m happy with that progress too.

AND, i got to see my childhood friend and his family too, and he’s always been like my little brother, so that was a treat that touched my heart more than i can say.  It was worth the exhaustion and the gas money and all the effort, to actually get out there to see everyone had been much, much too long.

Unfortunately, the whole 3-day extravaganza wore me out until i feel as thin and transparent as typing paper.  When i got home, i slept 12 hours straight, and have been sleeping 12 hours at a time each night/day since.  i came down with a nasty sore-throat/cold as soon as i woke up the first day back, and i’ve been down with it like i’ve been hit by the yucky-truck.  i’m irritable, bored, sick, and frustrated that i’m too ill to get anything done.

But it’s par for the course for me; i expend that much energy, and i pay for it in illness and major recoup-time.  i hope someday it won’t be that way, but for now, it’s just life.

And honestly, it feels like it was worth the price.  🙂

i saw family.  i saw fireworks and fireflies on the grounds where my old gradeschool used to be.  i saw Wolf accepted as someone i care about, and saw myself finally treated more like an adult human-being, and with something approaching respect, as well as love, by most of my family.  And no one asked me questions i couldn’t bear to think about or answer.

i even slept while i was there.

There were oddities that i am still struggling with, and i admit, i HATE being sick….but it was worth it.

i DO need stronger sunglasses, though.  Ugh.


Good Day

i had an unbelievably nice morning/afternoon with Wolf, and lost all track of time completely.  It felt so good to just relax that i don’t have words for it; especially since the last 2 or 3 days i’ve been tense and feeling crappy.  Today was much better; today was a good day.  🙂

Hematite came over and read the latest draft of her novel, (she and a friend are writing it jointly, and i am really impressed with how GOOD it is!) to me for about 3 hours…i enjoyed the time so much; i love being read to, and she’s so enthusiastic to have someone to read to, that she can keep it up for longer than anyone i know.  i’m amazed she still had a voice by the time she left!  But it was so great to see her; it was spur of the moment (as are most things with me) and i made myself keep up the relaxing idea while she was here.  i ate, i listened, i laughed a lot, (there are some great one-liners in there) and i trimmed and painted my nails bright pink, even putting little nail designs on them.  (little white heart skull-and-cross-bones)  It was so good to just have time to hang out, and i miss doing that with my was just plain NICE.

And when she left, although it was after 1 a.m., i suddenly felt the need to GET SOMETHING DONE, so i washed and hung a load of laundry, sorted a second load of laundry, changed the sheets and bedding completely, (even the bedspread and pillow shams are getting a good wash in the next day or two!) took care of the animals and got myself ready for bed.

Now, i’m cuddling down into the soft, clean sheets, and thinking of food before sleep.  i’m looking forward to tomorrow.  It was just a really nice, awfully good day.  *happy sigh*


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